Oh, waaah… you miss your doggie?
Yes. I went through a lot and she was my constant non-judgmental buddy for years. I still miss her. If you can’t understand, I don’t want to hear from you. Bad things shouldn’t happen to dogs.
What about the boyfriend/husband?
He’s wonderful. He’s well and has a great butt. He likes that I’m trying to get my groove back.
You ran X miles?! I couldn’t drive that far!
Gee, haven’t heard that before. (See? Asshole.)
What’s the big deal here? A lot of people can’t do that. You should be proud!
I was. I am. It’s not that simple.
Forget the fact that it’s running and think something you once enjoyed that made you a bit unique amongst your friends, family co-workers. Something that made you feel good, that you could talk about with minimal authority and feel a little bit of “atta-girl” pride when someone mentions she started running too. Something that made you feel like you were more than you thought you could ever be. Imagine that something became a part of your identity and constant in your life.
Here comes the trite: Imagine all that as a neat piece of paper. Curl the edges. Not terrible; not great. Score it. It’s a little rough, but still mostly there. Now imagine some unseen force crumples it up, bats it around for a while, and throws it away. Think about the ruined paper constantly. Try to to find something else that makes you feel that way that paper made you feel and fail. Fish it out of the trash and flatten it out with your hands trying to make it as good as it was. Look at how misshapen it’s gotten. It’s never going to be what it was. There’s nothing you can do to undo what happened to it. You need to work with what it is now if you still want it.
Can’t you just be happier?
The magic question. If you have the cure, bottle it and I’ll buy 20. Now you’re the asshole.
Aren’t you just feeling sorry for yourself?
Probably. Most likely. Yes, I am. Suggestions welcome. Snark encouraged.
Have you had wine tonight?
Plenty. It’s a holiday.
So, what’s next for you?
Well, as my fans know… I’m going to try for another marathon after some serious time off of doing… nothing. Maybe I’ll write a blog. Who knows?
The struggle, was it all “just in your head,” really?
A lot of it was. It’s still there, but now I know that some of it was physical. I tried to get back at it a number of times, but felt pain in my right leg around the ankles and up the side to my knee. I chalked it up to being out of shape, which made me feel worse, which made me not want to run, which made me feel worse, which made me want to start again, which triggered the pain and made me feel worse…
It turned out to be a bigger issue to due with hip alignment and pelvic stability. It made me put an unnecessary hitch in my stride that overworked a bunch of little muscles I didn’t even know existed.
So, you’re fine now?
No, I’m not fine. I’m blogging for feck’s sake! I don’t know if I’ll be fine. I guess that’s the cliffhanger here. (See? Asshole.)